There must be something wrong with me

There must be something wrong with me that the prospect of cancer doesn’t seem to bother me. Maybe a little history would help…..

I have had Laryngitis, on and off, since mid-February and finally saw my personal doctor a few weeks ago. She couldn’t see anything wrong so I went to an ENT. Sally Shu, the ENT, let me know that I had a huge fungus in my mouth and throat. In addition, after putting a scope through my nose to see my vocal chords, that there were two spots, one on each vocal chord that ‘did not look good’.

Today I went back to see Sally for a follow-up. After two weeks on an anti-fungal and Nexium, the fungus seems to be cleared up and one of the spots was noticeably smaller however, the other spot had not changed at all so now we need to go to the next step…. a biopsy.

She mentioned that they would be looking for cancer. She explained that if it was cancer I would be getting radiation treatments for six weeks and that these treatments would clear it up. I wouldn’t lose my voice box and all should be well.

None of this seems to dismay me. Is it because there are new treatments all the time? Is it because I feel I can control my treatment and refuse it if I would like? Is it because cancer does not hold fear for me? I don’t know but I feel like it’s a character flaw.

While I figure it out, please think good thoughts, especially on the 29th when I go for the biopsy.